How assembling the right cancer team may save your life

Moments after Eve Bender was told that a suspicious spot on her breast was cancerous, she phoned her brother, Lew Bender, who runs a cancer research company. “He said, ‘Don’t worry about it, it’s like an in-grown toenail, you just fix it,’” the sales executive recalls. His blithe response helped Bender sleep that night, but by 7 a.m. the next morning, she was back on the phone. Her doctor friend, Hara Schwartz, advised her not to be emotional, to get a couple of opinions and treat it.

She then called four breast-cancer survivors in her network, and battered them with questions: Where do I start? Who’s the best surgeon? What’s the timeline for surgery? In quick succession, the native New Yorker had assembled her “cancer team”: two top cancer doctors, one at Columbia University Medical Center (CUMC), the hospital that diagnosed her, and another at Memorial Sloan Kettering for a second opinion; her boyfriend, Derek Bensen, for emotional support; Amy Cole, a close friend who would attend some appointments with her; Eileen Z. Fuentes, a patient navigator at CUMC; her boss, Jane Seo, who offered her immediate support at work; and, for post-surgery, Luana DeAngelis, a holistic practitioner who helps during treatment and recovery through her You Can Thrive! organization in Manhattan. “I realized that I couldn’t do this alone,” says Bender, 55. “The way to win is to be the quarterback of your own team.”

People diagnosed with cancer often choose to keep a low profile — they don’t want pity, they want their privacy and for their lives to operate “business as usual.” But by creating a team — experts, friends, patient advocates, wellness practitioners and therapy group members — the road to recovery can be less bumpy, and even transformative. “Our job as doctors is to prevent sickness, but it’s not just about getting through the operation and radiation and chemotherapy,” says Sheldon M. Feldman, director of breast cancer services at Montefiore Medical Center. “It’s about offering complete care so a patient can live a long, healthy, normal life for decades to come.” He believes that “having a healing team should be a standard part of any cancer patient’s health plan.” Fuentes, from Bender’s team, knows the value of this firsthand.

At age 34, the patient advocate — a service offered at most cancer centers — was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer. Now cancer-free for nearly two years, she feels a special connection to her patients, and says having a strong caregiving team is as important as having a good clinical one. “[Patients] talk more openly to me than to their doctors,” says the integrative cancer care and wellness coach. “I’ll listen to their story and then my job is to say, ‘Bring your daughter, bring your friend, bring a notebook and write down these questions.’” Fuentes helps figure out the people patients need on their teams, and does everything from assigning tasks to scheduling appointments with different doctors on the same day. She’ll even arrange free hotel rooms if needed. “I tell my patients, ‘When all of this gets too confusing, I’ll be there.’” Clinical social worker Tammy Rosenthal, diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer at age 72, assembled a “virtual team.” With local support groups, says the Millington, NJ, resident, she ran “the risk of bumping into my patients.” Instead, she sent a mass e-mail to friends and family, and added the ones with generous responses to an e-mail chain. Within weeks, Rosenthal had around 50 people with whom she kept in touch. Ten people on her team were cancer survivors, including one who “had the same surgeon, the same oncologist, the same radiologist — and she was two years ahead of me, so she would help walk me through her experience without overdramatizing it or making it sound too small,” says Rosenthal, who now shows no evidence of the disease.

Her chemo and radiation teammate was her husband, Dave, and she eventually joined a Livestrong group at the YMCA in Basking Ridge, plus got into spinning and Zumba with eight others in the group. Two years on, Rosenthal is chasing after her 6-month-old grandson and is loving her new pixie cut. “My hairdresser rooted for me all along, too,” she says. “We were making lemonade out of lemons.” Brooklyn-based psychologist Paulette Sherman, 46, also kicked cancer with the help of a team. “I wanted a plan for success so I could keep working and seeing my clients, be there for my two kids and handle a 90-minute train commute to the hospital,” she says, five years after her diagnosis. “I actually had 34 people on my healing team playing different roles.” Her high-school friend (also a doctor) gave Sherman medical advice; a neighbor provided nutritional guidance; and a “cancer friend” whom she met at a cancer yoga class traded tips and tricks for coping with her. In addition, she says, “My spiritual teacher Christopher Dilts, a counselor and ‘angel intuitive’ who is based in California, spoke with me weekly and offered ways to remain centered,” Sherman says. Her “wellness practitioners” also included family: Husband Ian took her on weekly date nights during the course of her chemotherapy; her dad gave her car-service and massage vouchers; and her mother-in-law baby-sat whenever necessary.

Without her cancer team, Sherman says, “I would have gotten through the experience, but it might have felt like a nightmare instead of a healing spiritual journey.” Batya Reckson, an oncology social worker at Mount Sinai, says the spiritual component is crucial. “Everything happens so quickly that often patients don’t prioritize their mental health,” she says. That’s why she always works closely with patients — especially those who seem isolated, such as new immigrants or non-English speakers — to find people in their lives or their community to help them feel cared for. Treating cancer, Reckson says, intrinsically takes a village. “A hospital team, a network of friends and family, and community resources should always be a part of the cure.” Bender is grateful that she had a network of friends, family and even friends of friends to guide her. But even if you don’t have family, says the cancer survivor, “you can reach out to other people with your disease. Trust me: They will stop their lives and help you.”